April 25, 2005

Hiya

I have been swamped with family and I got a new job. That completely wears me out. I am working for Plath’s meat now in my little town since I was court ordered to get a job. I miss some of my parenting time mainly my Saturdays, which were so precious to me but what can I do at this point. Jamie took me to court for back child support. I go back to court in May to see if they hold me in contempt or not. I work 3 to 4 days a week -8 to 9 hours lifting 15 lb slabs of bacon all day. So I am getting muscles but my body is not made for this kind of work. My feet kill me at the end of the day. But I am thankful for the job it was a gift from God. I had been looking for years…. And could not find one. When I really needed on God provided.

I got a new judge now on my case this will make Judge #3 his name is Scott Pavlovich, he seems very fair and I have heard he is a non-nonsense judge. I think this town needs that. This town needs all of its officials replaced since they are so corrupt here.

I guess right now I don’t really feel the pillar of strength. I am exhausted and worn out. I don’t really have much to say since I am fighting depression… I have not written since I didn’t want to bring you down and you are going through enough things of your own. I do miss talking to you. But I didn’t really want you to see me like this. I know God will get me through. Just not sure where my road is going or if it is just staying put.

I had a visitor come last weekend and it was a complete nightmare. He helped me with the house but decided that he was in love with me. I told him that I have no feelings for him and yet he has come up twice now since. I am just so stressed out and he pushes this issue with me and makes me crazy. He will touch my hair or leg while driving and I just want to haul off and deck him. And in the store he makes comments about what I look like in my jeans…. Ugh… no tact. Glad that was only for 2 days. It was terrible.

My mom is down in Florida helping dad clean up the house to sell or rent so they can come up here and live. Grayson will be coming up for the Summer so that is really good. He is excelling in home school. And I found out that he is already getting crushes on girls. I am not prepared for this yet. He is only 9. Whereas, Samantha is miserable at her dads he is getting married to Julie finally but Samantha can’t stand her. They make her go to the other room to play and don’t include her. I am glad they got her a kitten that is the joy of her life at his house. She deserves much better than the hand she has been dealt.

I am all messed up at the moment. Getting pulled this way and that. My neighbor wants to redecorate my mom’s room and I just can’t do it… not right now. I think she is perturbed with me. I just don’t have the energy or motivation to do something like that. At the moment. * Sigh * Ugh….

Church is going well. I love my pastor he is an excellent preacher/teacher. I guess for me right now I am in some real need of fellowship with God. I miss Him. I will get back where I need to be and be the woman/girl that you know once again. I just wanted to touch base with you.

In His Grip,

Faith